Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
