My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
