I'm eating all of the evidence.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
