I hope mine doesn't look like that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
