We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
