'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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