The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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