OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
