Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
