After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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