i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
