I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
