Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
