Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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