I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
