LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
