My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
