No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
