so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
