she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
