the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
