He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
