My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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