Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
