I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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