So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
