there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
