He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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