Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
