I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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