11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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