Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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