we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
