she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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