Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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