Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
