You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
