now i know why i became what i already was.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
