somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
