is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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