I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
