eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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