You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
