break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
