she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
