He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
