then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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