And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
