My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
