Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
