you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
