Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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