Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
