why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
