I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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