Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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